perhaps i have
higher disappointment
than most

i need a lot of time to myself
to recover from that ache i feel

behind these walls
protects a softness
sheltered just so
to keep it hid

yet it pains me

these barriers are thin
& i still see and hear well enough

i consider myself rational
though some might see idealist
others would say fatalist

but no matter how realistic my expectations
of any given situation
i’m repeatedly told just
to lower my expectations

i’m in limbo
and you want me to
lower them still

so, no expectations ?
at all, ever ?

no reliance on human decency
kindness

better still
by logic
one might suppose
i should infer
to not be expected
of anything myself

beneath your bar
i’ll simply crawl about
like a hermit crab
lowering my self
deeper
into a hole
to disappear
as the tide
comes in

and lower
still